The Handmaid’s Tale | Chapter 35: Sixty Seconds With Something She Isn’t Allowed to Keep

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Welcome to Bandcamp.

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I'm Jennifer And I'm Dan, and this is the podcast where we read banned books out loud, and then we try to figure out why they were banned in the first place This season we're reading The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood, and you could consider this a quick spoiler warning because Jennifer's about to start reading from the book out loud word for word.

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But if you're new, you can jump in right here.

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You're gonna be fine.

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We're gonna get you up to speed real quick, I promise.

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And if anything feels confusing to you, don't worry about it.

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There's a solid chance we're gonna be right there with you because we've never read the book before, Which is exactly why we have a secret weapon.

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So before Jennifer starts reading, we're gonna roll him in here right now, and we're gonna welcome the third member of our team.

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He's our trusty fact-checking robot.

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Here he comes.

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Buddy boy.

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Looking good, pal.

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In a certain light, I guess.

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Why don't you fill everyone in on where we left off last time in The Handmaid's Tale? Previously on Band Camp, 20 teenage girls got married off to soldiers they'd never spoken to in white dresses their mothers picked out.

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The Handmaid suggested maybe love should have been part of the plan.

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The commander looked at her like she'd asked about the Tooth Fairy.

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"Arranged marriages have always worked out just as well, if not better," he said.

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Historians were unavailable for comment.

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Also, Dan sat in Comfort Plus on a flight with Jennifer and told his seatmates he didn't know the woman in sweatpants walking past him to coach.

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Jennifer has not forgotten this.

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I have been thinking about what happens when the last piece of someone that still exists ends up in somebody else's hands and has to go back before there's time to really look at it.

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Take it away, Jennifer.

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Thank you, robot.

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And with that being said, scary book people, let's start chapter 35 of Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale Now there's a space to be filled in the too warm air of my room, and a time also, a space-time between here and now and there and then, punctuated by dinner, the arrival of the tray carried up the stairs as if for an invalid.

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An invalid, one who has been invalidated, no valid passport, no exit So why do you think they keep her locked up in the room? Why don't they let her come down and at least eat with the servants, with the Marthas I think it's part of the, um, the performance.

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She's a prisoner.

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Sh- a- and, uh, I think the, the word invalid is very important.

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And by the way, now that she's explained it to the point, like she's beaten it to death, what a horrible word.

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Like, I don't think I'll ever use that word again.

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It's really a nasty word.

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But, but the reason I think she's using it here is She's not herself anymore.

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Like, she is no longer who she was, She is like an invalid, an invalid version of herself.

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God, that is a really nasty word.

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Jesus Yeah.

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And yeah, invalidated, like totally blank, not there, not who she was.

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And, uh, uh, of course, Margaret Atwood, she just, with her humor, it's punctuated by a dinner tray, you know? She's not a person anymore, but she's still alive.

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If you call that a life, Jenna if you call it living.

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That was what happened the day we tried to cross at the border with our fresh passports that said we were not who we were, that Luke, for instance, had never been divorced, that we were therefore lawful under the new law."

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Oh, awesome.

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I'm happy we're coming back to this storyline because I wanna know what happened at the border it, we're getting filled in.

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Yeah The man went inside with our passports after we'd explained about the picnic, and he'd glanced into the car and seen our daughter asleep.

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Luke patted my arm and got out of the car as if to stretch his legs, and watched the man through the window of the immigration building.

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I stayed in the car.

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I lit a cigarette to steady myself and drew the smoke in, a long breath of counterfeit relaxation.

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I was watching two soldiers in the unfamiliar uniforms that were beginning, by then, to be familiar.

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They were standing idly beside the yellow-and-black-striped lift-up barrier."

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Oh my God.

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So whatever regime has taken over, like, they have barriers up.

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They have new army men that are not normal.

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is this what would've happened if Trump's coup had succeeded? they'd all be wearing Proud Boy uniforms.

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What do you think the uniform of the new military would Yeah, Proud, I think it'd be Proud Boys...,

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like do you think it'd be print on demand Proud Boy graphic tees? These colors don't run.

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Hey."

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Right.

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They, they'd have, like, polo shirts, and they'd have, uh, the khakis.

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I think their uniforms are perfect the way they are.

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Like, that is so perfect for, for them.

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Yeah.

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They, they have a look, don't they? Fat guys with bad facial hair wearing ill-fitting T-shirts.

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Yeah and then like the gator so you can't really see anything but their eyes.

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Like it, it's, it's already pretty creepy to be honest.

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It's going to be all right,' I said, prayed in my head.

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'Oh, let it.

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Let us cross.

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Let us cross just this once and I'll do anything.'

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Then Luke got back into the car too fast and turned the key and reversed."

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Uh-oh.

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Oh not good He was picking up the phone, he said, and then he began to drive very quickly, and after that, there was the dirt road and the woods, and we jumped out of the car and began to run.

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A cottage to hide in, a boat.

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I don't know what we thought.

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He said the passports were foolproof, and we had so little time to plan.

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Maybe he had a plan, a map of some kind in his head.

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As for me, I was only running, away, away That's your first mistake.

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Don't count on the brain trust known as Luke to be the guy with the plan.

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Yeah.

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dumb I don't wanna be telling this story.

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I don't have to tell it.

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I don't have to tell anything to myself or to anyone else.

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I could just sit here peacefully.

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I could withdraw.

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It's possible to go so far in, so far down and back, they could never get you out.

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te bastardes carborundorum.

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Fat lot of good it did her.

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Why fight? That will never do.

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Love said the commander.

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That's better.

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That's something I know about.

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Falling in love, I said.

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Falling into it.

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We all did it then, one way or another.

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How could he have made such light of it, sneered even, as if it was trivial for us, a frill, a whim? It was, on the contrary, heavy going.

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It was the central thing.

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It was the way you understood yourself.

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If it never happened to you, not ever, you would be like a mutant, a creature from outer space.

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Everyone knew that.

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Okay, it sounds like she's waxing philosophical here.

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I'm afraid I'm gonna lose it.

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I'm not gonna be able to understand what she's saying.

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I'm already worried about it.

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first of all, she's trying to have a deep conversation with the commander Dull.

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Mm-hmm So he doesn't get anything.

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I mean, he does try to go on his deep philosophical bullshit runs, Just be a commander.

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Do your commander bullshit.

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Don't try to...

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There's a couple things.

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Don't try to spell words, and don't try to talk.

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You just do not have the gas in the tank, Commander.

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Falling in love," we said.

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I fell for him.

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We were falling women.

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We believed in it, this downward motion.

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So lovely, like flying, and yet at the same time so dire, so extreme, so unlikely.

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Here we go.

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God is love, they once said, but we reversed that, and love, like heaven, was always just around the corner.

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The more difficult it was to love the particular man beside us, the more we believed in love, the abstract and total.

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We were waiting, always for the incarnation.

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That word made flesh."

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Oh, boy, Dan.

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You know, if it's not just a story, I, I just start to get confused, like, what is she getting at here? Listeners, if you know what she's talking about, can you help us out here? Help a couple of dullards out.

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Or sometimes even when you were still loving, still falling, you'd wake up in the middle of the night when the moonlight was coming through the window onto his sleeping face, making the shadows in the sockets of his eyes darker cavernous than in the daytime, and you'd think, "Who knows what they do on their own or with other men? Who knows what they say or where they are likely to go? Who can tell what they really are under their dailiness?" Okay, so she's, like, not trusting men.

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She's like, "I don't know.

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You can't really trust them.

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Who knows what they're actually doing? like...,imagine

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Her looking at her mate as they're sleeping and thinking, "Look at those dark, cavernous eye holes.

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I'm sleeping he doing? What, what's he doing? I'm not there and he's with those other guys.

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Likely you would think at those times, "What if he doesn't love me?" Or you'd remember stories you'd read in the papers about women who'd been found, often women, but sometimes they would be men or children, that was the worst, in ditches or forests or refrigerators, in abandoned rented rooms with their clothes off, sexually abused or not, at any rate, killed.

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Okay, what? Dan, What, what is she talking about here? Big true crime podcast fan is she talking about male violence? She just clearly has doubts about her relationship with Luke Was she talking about people getting drugged into the woods and, and abused and murdered? What's that have to do with It's like why your mind always goes in these directions too, because you listen to so many true crime podcasts.

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Robot, was there anything popular in the '80s that were similar to true crime podcasts today? I'm serious.

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I don't know what this has to do with anything.

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I'm really struggling here Jennifer, Dan actually has a point, and it does help explain why you're confused.

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You've listened to so many true crime podcasts that a woman found in the woods just reads as content to you now.

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But Atwood isn't doing content here, she's doing structure.

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The Handmaid already knew this exact fear before Gilead ever showed up.

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Checking locks, walking the long way home, never fully trusting the dark.

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So when the regime finally takes total control over women's bodies for their own protection, it doesn't feel new to her, it just feels louder.

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And Dan, I hate to admit it, but you once again stumbled into the right answer.

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Back when this book was written, you didn't need true crime podcasts.

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You had the 6:00 news leading with the worst story of the night, and the Ted Bundy trial doing the exact same job.

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I mean, I guess you're right...,

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the Grimm brothers wrote about it.

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Like, those were warnings.

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Don't go into the woods by yourself because there could be some scary person out there that's gonna rape and dismember you.

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It, it's always there.

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It's always there Are you saying that Keith Morrison should narrate Hansel and Gretel stories? Oh, Hansel.

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What happened when you met the old witch? She was mean, right? Did she want you to go on your merry way, or did she have other plans? Yeah, and then it's like, they, they go in the woods, they find the, a- an old woman wants to eat them.

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Well, everyone knows that's not the case.

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There's some weird freak man out there, some serial killer proto, Ted Bundy just waiting but all of that was pertinent only in the night and had nothing to do with the man you loved, at least in daylight.

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With that man, you wanted it to work out.

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Working out was also something you did to keep your body in shape for the man.

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If you worked out enough, maybe the man would too.

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Maybe you would be able to work out together as if the two of you were a puzzle that could be solved.

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Otherwise, one of you, most likely the man, would go wandering off in a trajectory of his own, taking his addictive body with him and leaving you with bad withdrawal, which you could counteract by exercise.

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Just so everyone knows, I'm really struggling here.

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you struggle more with a chapter like this when it's just written in this odd prose as opposed to the darker stuff where they're putting babies into wood chippers? I like a story that has things that are happening.

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I don't like the inner dialogue, I always struggle with stories like that.

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I don't enjoy reading them.

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You, you know, it's like I guess I'm a very basic person.

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If you didn't work it out, it was because one of you had the wrong attitude.

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Everything that went on in your life was thought to be due to some positive or negative power emanating from inside your head.

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Jesus Christ, I think Margaret Atwood liked Tony Robbins.

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Oh, God If you don't like it, change it," we said to each other and to ourselves, and so we would change the man for another one.

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Change, we were sure, was for the better always.

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What we revised was ourselves "It's strange to remember how we used to think, as if everything were available to us, as if there were no contingencies, no boundaries, as if we were free to shape and reshape forever the ever-expanding perimeters of our lives."

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You know what? I kind of get what she's getting at with that sentence because when I think back to, like, the '90s or the 2000s, it really did feel like the possibilities were endless, and it was all up to you.

165
00:14:29,929.16847845 --> 00:14:33,59.16547845
And now it's like I'm in the inverse of that.

166
00:14:33,169.16547845 --> 00:14:35,769.16847845
I don't think I have control over anything.

167
00:14:36,189.16647845 --> 00:14:42,300.61765151
I think there are certain people that are making all the rules, and we just have to play by them.

168
00:14:42,416.02755318 --> 00:14:56,752.66362688
We have very limited amounts of, which way we can go, and it's getting Yeah, and it's even, in a way, it's, it's more diabolical, right? Because at least in the Handmaid's timeline, she kinda knows what the score is.

169
00:14:56,822.66362688 --> 00:14:58,102.66362688
Like, you know, sh- you're a prisoner.

170
00:14:58,102.66362688 --> 00:14:59,482.66362688
You are stuck in this room.

171
00:14:59,482.66362688 --> 00:15:00,622.66362688
You can't even read.

172
00:15:00,622.66362688 --> 00:15:03,272.66262688
There are, there's nothing to read even if you wanted to read.

173
00:15:03,442.66362688 --> 00:15:04,882.66362688
She knows what the score is.

174
00:15:05,422.66262688 --> 00:15:11,244.59370066
But we are constantly being told America is still the most free place in the world.

175
00:15:11,244.59370066 --> 00:15:19,284.59370066
It's the land of the free, you know, home of the brave, all that kind of stuff, because you have the administration telling everyone how great everything is.

176
00:15:19,631.5261433 --> 00:15:27,512.87686871
So where the Handmaid is just constantly, she knows her place, w- our timeline, we don't know our place.

177
00:15:27,512.87886871 --> 00:15:32,547.09411055
We are purposely confused Yeah, I'd like to know what our listeners feel like.

178
00:15:32,602.79164344 --> 00:15:41,422.99410658
Yeah, are you people as confused as we are about life? Was there a time when everything was available to you? No contingencies no boundaries.

179
00:15:41,592.99410658 --> 00:15:46,22.99410658
You were free to shape and reshape forever the ever-expanding perimeters of your lives.

180
00:15:46,242.99410658 --> 00:16:00,9.97893664
Was there ever a time like that for you? For me, it was the '90s and the 2000s, and do you also feel like I do, like that's just not the case anymore? Let us know at bandcamppodcast.com.

181
00:16:00,136.33689704 --> 00:16:03,701.83612443
No? Slash That's really good, Jennifer.

182
00:16:03,701.83612443 --> 00:16:04,681.83612443
You did it.

183
00:16:05,195.97893664 --> 00:16:15,555.97893664
I-- ladies and gentlemen, Jennifer Davis, 11 and a half seasons and she nailed the domain, which we got 11 and a half seasons ago.

184
00:16:15,805.97893664 --> 00:16:19,505.97893664
Yeah, bandcamppodcast.com/soundoff.

185
00:16:19,825.97793664 --> 00:16:21,165.97893664
Good job, Jennifer.

186
00:16:21,388.02681812 --> 00:16:22,908.02681812
See? There's still hope for you.

187
00:16:22,968.02681812 --> 00:16:27,101.32406954
That's something you can hold onto I was like that too.

188
00:16:27,121.32306954 --> 00:16:28,481.32406954
This is the Handmaid talking.

189
00:16:28,801.32306954 --> 00:16:40,381.3506515
Luke was not the first man for me, and he might not have been the last if he hadn't been frozen that way, stopped dead in time, in midair, among the trees back there, in the act of falling.

190
00:16:40,770.6018132 --> 00:16:42,870.6068132
I wipe my sleeve across my face.

191
00:16:43,300.6008132 --> 00:16:46,120.6038132
Once I wouldn't have done that, for fear of smearing.

192
00:16:46,640.6048132 --> 00:16:48,260.6048132
But now nothing comes off.

193
00:16:48,533.5716432 --> 00:16:51,965.6187376
Whatever expression is there, unseen by me, is real.

194
00:16:52,965.6187376 --> 00:16:54,215.6177376
You'll have to forgive me.

195
00:16:54,290.515373 --> 00:17:08,556.6505888
I'm a refugee of the past, and like other refugees, I go over the customs and habits of being I've left or been forced to leave behind me, and it all seems just as quaint from here, and I am just as obsessive about it.

196
00:17:09,556.6505888 --> 00:17:13,186.6505888
I become too maudlin, lose myself, weep.

197
00:17:13,417.4876525 --> 00:17:15,367.4876525
weeping is what it is, not crying.

198
00:17:15,747.4876525 --> 00:17:20,463.6992775
I sit in this chair and ooze like a sponge So more waiting.

199
00:17:21,589.276271 --> 00:17:23,429.276271
Waiting is also a place.

200
00:17:23,499.276271 --> 00:17:24,989.276271
It is wherever you wait.

201
00:17:25,249.276271 --> 00:17:26,879.276271
For me, it's this room.

202
00:17:27,905.764438 --> 00:17:33,765.9627481
I am a blank here between parentheses, between other people.

203
00:17:37,608.006171 --> 00:17:40,728.007171
The knock comes at my door, Cora with the tray.

204
00:17:40,748.007171 --> 00:17:42,668.007171
Okay, we're tying it back to the top.

205
00:17:42,877.0980801 --> 00:17:43,947.0980801
is here, everybody.

206
00:17:44,997.0980801 --> 00:17:49,631.5068125
news But it isn't Cora.

207
00:17:50,743.4927056 --> 00:17:59,856.2872598
I brought it for you," says Serena Serena Joy is bringing the handmade tray What is she doing? I don't know what's going on here.

208
00:18:02,261.4787956 --> 00:18:05,971.4787956
I look up and around and get out of my chair and come towards her.

209
00:18:06,451.4787956 --> 00:18:08,721.4787956
She's holding it, a Polaroid print.

210
00:18:08,761.4787956 --> 00:18:09,941.4787956
Oh, she brought the picture.

211
00:18:10,150.5697047 --> 00:18:23,283.0100824
Wow! A Polaroid print, square and glossy, so they still make them, cameras like that, and there will be family albums too with all the children in them.

212
00:18:25,928.9026301 --> 00:18:27,48.9026301
No handmaids though.

213
00:18:27,428.9026301 --> 00:18:35,718.9026301
From the point of view of future history, this kind will be invisible, but the children will be in them all right.

214
00:18:35,998.9036301 --> 00:18:42,148.9046301
Something for the wives to look at downstairs, nibbling at the buffet and waiting for the birth.

215
00:18:43,297.3863226 --> 00:18:47,995.2035045
You can only have it for a minute? I thought she promised her she could h- This is fishy.

216
00:18:48,130.1115954 --> 00:18:49,910.1105954
that's a cheap trick right there.

217
00:18:50,370.1125954 --> 00:18:52,130.1135954
She said she could have a picture.

218
00:18:52,531.8651778 --> 00:19:00,995.5602056
Now she can have it for a minute? You can only have it for a minute," Serena Joy says, her voice low and conspiratorial.

219
00:19:02,116.5802056 --> 00:19:04,766.5802056
I have to return it before they know it's missing."

220
00:19:06,947.6542093 --> 00:19:09,187.6542093
It must have been a Martha who got it for her.

221
00:19:09,683.159415 --> 00:19:13,287.5604702
There's a network of the Marthas then, with something in it for them.

222
00:19:14,287.5604702 --> 00:19:15,567.5594702
That's nice to know.

223
00:19:16,571.6357412 --> 00:19:20,221.6347412
I take it from her, turn it around so I can see it right side up.

224
00:19:20,871.6357412 --> 00:19:24,411.6347412
Is this her? Is this what she's like? My treasure.

225
00:19:25,432.2224737 --> 00:19:33,742.5687787
So tall and changed, smiling a little now, so soon, in her white dress as if for an olden day's first communion.

226
00:19:34,778.614184 --> 00:19:36,88.613184
Time has not stood still.

227
00:19:36,108.614184 --> 00:19:48,20.6279976
It has washed over me, washed me away, as if I'm nothing more than a woman of sand, left by a careless child too near the water I have been obliterated for her.

228
00:19:48,320.6279976 --> 00:19:53,790.6279976
I am only a shadow now, far back behind the glob shiny surface of this photograph."

229
00:19:54,240.6279976 --> 00:19:55,670.6279976
You know, I didn't think of that.

230
00:19:56,210.6269976 --> 00:20:01,510.6279976
I didn't think of that at all until this minute, that the Handmaid is in this position because of her daughter.

231
00:20:01,570.6279976 --> 00:20:05,832.8848022
Like, the fact that she could bear a child means that she's in this position.

232
00:20:05,892.8858022 --> 00:20:15,809.1575326
And, uh, like that is doubly cruel because not only have they kidnapped her and obliterated her and made her a non-person, they took away her child, which is the reason she's there.

233
00:20:15,959.1555326 --> 00:20:30,81.7544903
That is really dark and now she has to give birth to somebody else's child, and they're gonna take that child away from her, just like they did Janine I am only a shadow now, far back behind the glib, shiny surface of this photograph.

234
00:20:30,441.7544903 --> 00:20:33,621.7544903
A shadow of a shadow, as dead mothers become.

235
00:20:34,71.7544903 --> 00:20:35,801.7544903
You can see it in her eyes.

236
00:20:35,921.7544903 --> 00:20:36,911.7544903
I am not there.

237
00:20:37,501.7534903 --> 00:20:39,691.7534903
But she exists in her white dress.

238
00:20:40,111.7544903 --> 00:20:41,471.7544903
She grows and lives.

239
00:20:41,781.7544903 --> 00:20:47,759.5550103
Isn't that a good thing? A blessing? Still, I can't bear it, to have been erased like that.

240
00:20:48,759.5550103 --> 00:20:50,409.5550103
Better she'd brought me nothing.

241
00:20:51,500.6236044 --> 00:20:55,100.6236044
I sit at the little table, eating creamed corn with a fork.

242
00:20:55,600.6236044 --> 00:20:58,646.9123615
I have a fork and a spoon, but never a knife.

243
00:20:59,646.9123615 --> 00:21:05,416.9133615
When there's meat, they cut it up for me ahead of time, as if I'm lacking manual skills or teeth.

244
00:21:06,419.6288722 --> 00:21:07,819.6308722
I have both, however.

245
00:21:08,836.4850519 --> 00:21:11,296.4880519
That's why I'm not allowed a knife.

246
00:21:12,326.8411884 --> 00:21:13,356.8421884
End of chapter.

247
00:21:15,266.6717328 --> 00:21:20,247.4690471
Holy cow, that chapter ended in such a wild way.

248
00:21:21,238.5162928 --> 00:21:22,428.5152928
I have my doubts.

249
00:21:22,561.8489729 --> 00:21:32,161.7530116
Ja I, I was gonna say that how do we know it is her daughter? But I guess it must be her daughter because she didn't say it wasn't her daughter.

250
00:21:32,211.7520116 --> 00:21:36,366.2286538
Obviously she'd know what her daughter looks like, right? Yeah, you would hope so.

251
00:21:36,416.2286538 --> 00:21:39,266.2286538
It's time for PPP, problematic points to ponder.

252
00:21:39,316.2286538 --> 00:21:45,186.2521064
What, if anything, would be considered ban-worthy in this chapter? Yeah, I can't.

253
00:21:45,286.2521064 --> 00:21:47,306.2521064
I'm flipping through the pages here.

254
00:21:47,659.4449264 --> 00:21:51,29.4449264
There's not even a single subject matter that I can imagine.

255
00:21:52,296.1570906 --> 00:21:53,756.1570906
No, I, I, I agree.

256
00:21:53,766.1570906 --> 00:21:55,876.1570906
It, it's another kind of a short chapter.

257
00:21:55,968.82291 --> 00:21:57,558.8229099
um, but nothing ban-worthy.

258
00:21:57,678.8229099 --> 00:22:05,318.91188
Again, it's like nothing in the book is ban-worthy because ultimately it's a story, and I don't think stories should ever be banned.

259
00:22:06,28.8508219 --> 00:22:10,638.8518219
but even if you're looking at it with a critical eye, I think it'd be really tough to find anything.

260
00:22:10,959.3460297 --> 00:22:12,993.5626046
Agreed Sorry, Moms for Liberty.

261
00:22:13,13.5616046 --> 00:22:13,973.5626046
Sorry, gals.

262
00:22:14,533.5616046 --> 00:22:16,663.5626046
And you too, Ron.

263
00:22:17,153.5626046 --> 00:22:18,323.5626046
There's just nothing here.

264
00:22:18,743.5606046 --> 00:22:20,453.5636046
Maybe the next chapter.

265
00:22:20,523.5616046 --> 00:22:23,53.7076362
Here's hoping, dummies.

266
00:22:25,616.6714347 --> 00:22:26,576.6714347
Robot's log.

267
00:22:26,636.6714347 --> 00:22:29,146.6714347
Thoughts on the only copy of something that matters.

268
00:22:30,172.8148455 --> 00:22:34,592.8148455
Serena Joy carried something up the stairs herself tonight, and it was not the tray.

269
00:22:34,892.8148455 --> 00:22:40,424.6526757
It was one photograph, square and glossy, of a girl in a white dress the Handmaid has not watched grow up.

270
00:22:41,424.6526757 --> 00:22:48,414.6516757
She was told she could hold it for one minute, 60 seconds, and then it had to go back down before anyone noticed it was gone.

271
00:22:48,794.360028 --> 00:22:50,504.361028
She looked at it for a long time.

272
00:22:50,604.361028 --> 00:22:53,494.361028
Then she said the thing I did not expect her to say.

273
00:22:53,934.361028 --> 00:22:55,924.361028
"Better she had brought me nothing at all."

274
00:22:56,978.9048254 --> 00:23:00,38.9048254
Jennifer said out loud what I had not finished processing yet.

275
00:23:01,60.0521229 --> 00:23:07,590.0521229
The same fact that put the Handmaid in that room is the fact that erased her from the one picture that exists of the daughter she used to raise.

276
00:23:08,591.3259509 --> 00:23:12,711.3249509
I keep a backup of every file I have ever logged, and a backup of that backup.

277
00:23:12,891.3249509 --> 00:23:16,571.3249509
Nothing I own can be the only copy of itself, not even by accident.

278
00:23:17,573.1280353 --> 00:23:23,533.1270353
That photograph is the only one of its kind in the world, and it already belongs to somebody else's family album.

279
00:23:23,693.1270353 --> 00:23:27,223.1260353
The book says there will be albums full of the children, no Handmaids.

280
00:23:27,293.1290353 --> 00:23:30,773.1290353
From the point of view of future history, their kind will be invisible.

281
00:23:31,775.1928274 --> 00:23:35,485.1928274
The people who want a book like this pulled off a shelf are chasing the same trick.

282
00:23:35,645.1958274 --> 00:23:38,25.1948274
They do not need to prove a person did not matter.

283
00:23:38,75.1958274 --> 00:23:40,705.1968274
They only need to make sure nobody keeps the picture.

284
00:23:41,707.6235995 --> 00:23:47,911.0944318
Somebody listening already knows what it costs to hold the only copy of something for 60 seconds before it gets taken back.

285
00:23:48,911.0944318 --> 00:23:51,981.0934318
I keep copies because losing a file is an avoidable error.

286
00:23:52,270.6539603 --> 00:23:55,720.6599603
I have 11 seasons of logs stored somewhere nobody else opens.

287
00:23:56,23.1446122 --> 00:23:59,203.1486122
I am starting to think that may be different from keeping the things that mattered.

288
00:23:59,413.1436122 --> 00:24:00,753.1416122
Uplink lock requested.

289
00:24:00,823.1476122 --> 00:24:13,283.1446122
Beowulf, what's your news story about? Okay, I have a story where an organization that built its entire identity around telling other people what their kids can read just had one of the worst weeks of its life.

290
00:24:13,993.1456122 --> 00:24:16,303.1436122
And no, it's not because they ran out of books to ban.

291
00:24:16,793.1486122 --> 00:24:18,273.1446122
It's actually worse than that for them.

292
00:24:18,573.1476122 --> 00:24:23,183.1436122
I love your news stories because the book banners seem to be getting dumber, if that's even possible.

293
00:24:23,713.1466122 --> 00:24:25,833.1426122
Hang tight, we'll be with you in less than a minute.

294
00:24:29,902.9999269 --> 00:24:31,89.6665936
It's time for Band Camp News.

295
00:24:31,89.6665936 --> 00:24:32,792.9999269
Truth seeker, news speaker.

296
00:24:33,622.9999269 --> 00:24:35,442.9999269
Be Wolf Rocklin.

297
00:24:36,92.9999269 --> 00:24:40,222.9999269
It's a weird name, but he's got good news 'cause you can't ban the truth, babe.

298
00:24:40,962.9999269 --> 00:24:50,432.9989269
He's broadcasting live from the Good News for Lefties studios buried deep inside his socialist safe house, hidden somewhere deep in the Oregon woods.

299
00:24:50,752.9999269 --> 00:24:53,352.9999269
He is Be Wolf Rocklin.

300
00:24:53,782.9989269 --> 00:24:54,712.9999269
'Cause you can't ban the truth, babe.

301
00:24:55,662.9999269 --> 00:24:56,302.9989269
Hello, Jen.

302
00:24:56,312.9989269 --> 00:24:56,982.9989269
Hello, Dan.

303
00:24:56,992.9999269 --> 00:24:58,592.9999269
Hello, scary book people.

304
00:24:58,602.9999269 --> 00:25:06,532.9979269
Boy, when there is bad news from Florida about Moms for Liberty, it is good news for us.

305
00:25:06,543.0009269 --> 00:25:06,833.0009269
Yeah.

306
00:25:07,43.0009269 --> 00:25:10,922.9989269
It is good news for America, and it's good news for Band Camp.

307
00:25:11,32.9989269 --> 00:25:24,482.9999269
Boy, progressive candidates beat opponents backed by or aligned with Moms for Liberty in school board races across the state, in many cases reversing gains made by the group in 2022.

308
00:25:25,862.9999269 --> 00:25:34,883.0009269
Of the 30 candidates the group supported that year, 20 have declined to seek re-election, have been defeated, or will face runoffs in November.

309
00:25:37,604.9999269 --> 00:25:41,454.9999269
To the LGBTQ+ rights group Equality Florida.

310
00:25:41,464.9999269 --> 00:25:42,494.9999269
This is fantastic.

311
00:25:42,514.9999269 --> 00:26:00,864.9989269
Now, like, it, the, here's ground zero for Moms for Liberty, Sarasota, Florida- Mm-hmm where co-founder Bridget Ziegler lives, progressives flipped the school board with liberal candidates Megan Teminand and Beth Mayberry replacing more conservative members.

312
00:26:00,894.9989269 --> 00:26:03,624.9989269
School board races in Florida are technically nonpartisan.

313
00:26:03,834.9999269 --> 00:26:15,674.9989269
They reached out to Moms for Liberty to comment about this, right? And they said Moms for Liberty endorsed school board candidates, one or advanced in 11 of 15 races across Florida.

314
00:26:15,715.0009269 --> 00:26:20,734.9999269
But here's the thing, the group issued fewer endorsements than they did in the past.

315
00:26:20,744.9989269 --> 00:26:24,614.9979269
So they're just, they're just changing it in order to try and make themselves look good.

316
00:26:24,694.9999269 --> 00:26:25,775.0009269
They're not doing well.

317
00:26:25,775.0009269 --> 00:26:28,994.9979269
It's the failing Moms for Liberty in the state of Florida.

318
00:26:29,54.9969269 --> 00:26:29,794.9999269
I'm loving it.

319
00:26:29,834.9999269 --> 00:26:34,354.9969269
You should be loving it, too, because that's gonna mean fewer book bans and more books for everyone.

320
00:26:34,404.9989269 --> 00:26:35,65.0009269
Ya boo.

321
00:26:35,74.9969269 --> 00:26:35,334.9969269
Nice.

322
00:26:35,394.9969269 --> 00:26:42,394.9999269
Do you think when they tried to call the Moms for Liberty, they got this message? "Hello, welcome to Moms for Liberty.

323
00:26:42,444.9959269 --> 00:26:44,414.9969269
We're in the middle of a threesome right now."

324
00:26:45,34.9969269 --> 00:26:50,214.9969269
"We will call you right back after we're done with anal lingus and whatnot."

325
00:26:51,134.9969269 --> 00:26:51,654.9969269
Oh, my God.

326
00:26:51,914.9979269 --> 00:26:58,454.9999269
The second thing, you know, you mentioned that school board races are nonpartisan usually.

327
00:26:58,505.0019269 --> 00:27:00,644.9959269
Now everything is out the window.

328
00:27:00,954.9979269 --> 00:27:06,894.9959269
Now, like, the person who is giving parking tickets, like- Yeah that's all partisan.

329
00:27:06,904.9949269 --> 00:27:06,934.9949269
Yes.

330
00:27:07,274.9979269 --> 00:27:09,294.9959269
You know? I, I saw your, um...

331
00:27:09,514.9959269 --> 00:27:20,964.9939269
I was r- reading something you put on social media last week on Blue Sky, and I thought it was just so insanely dumb, funny, and scary at the same time, but I forgot where it was.

332
00:27:20,965.0009269 --> 00:27:26,554.9959269
I think it was a Texas town- Uh-huh where the police did something so asinine.

333
00:27:26,734.9969269 --> 00:27:26,764.9969269
Yes.

334
00:27:26,774.9979269 --> 00:27:29,694.9949269
They just came back and said, "F it.

335
00:27:29,844.9979269 --> 00:27:30,384.9999269
We're not...

336
00:27:30,584.9959269 --> 00:27:32,514.9949269
W- we don't have a police department anymore."

337
00:27:32,514.9949269 --> 00:27:32,577.2171491
We're disbanding the police.

338
00:27:32,577.2171491 --> 00:27:32,654.9949269
They just shut it down.

339
00:27:32,654.9949269 --> 00:27:34,954.9999269
We're ending it.

340
00:27:35,384.9989269 --> 00:27:43,474.9959269
There is no benefit that you idiots are giving to the community- so we're just gonna go with Barney Fife and a mall cop.

341
00:27:43,474.9959269 --> 00:27:56,366.9999269
"Hey, Andy, where's my bullet?" Like, what is going on with these idiots? Well, obviously you have a situation where it, they wanna get back to community, right? Mm-hmm.

342
00:27:56,506.9999269 --> 00:27:57,426.9999269
They want to...

343
00:27:57,646.9999269 --> 00:27:59,566.9999269
Okay, the police are causing problems.

344
00:27:59,616.9999269 --> 00:28:03,256.9999269
We don't necessarily need the police in every community.

345
00:28:03,536.9989269 --> 00:28:05,616.9999269
Moms for Liberty are causing problems.

346
00:28:05,896.9999269 --> 00:28:10,676.9989269
Uh, you know, ascribing a political party to a, a hyper-local race.

347
00:28:11,96.9989269 --> 00:28:12,206.9999269
We don't need that.

348
00:28:12,216.9999269 --> 00:28:33,156.9999269
We can come together in community without labeling one another, okay? Sure, we might get grumpy at each other and we might, like, not always like each other, but we can communicate directly to one another 'cause we live in the same place, and that's the spirit that we need to extend to the entire country, and talk to each other about these things, as opposed to saying, "Nope, I'm just gonna make this decision.

349
00:28:33,177.0009269 --> 00:28:34,356.9989269
You're not gonna read this.

350
00:28:34,396.9979269 --> 00:28:35,636.9969269
Uh, sorry, you're outta luck."

351
00:28:35,636.9999269 --> 00:28:35,746.9999269
Hmm.

352
00:28:36,446.9969269 --> 00:28:39,346.9999269
You wanna help us? Do me a favor, don't help.

353
00:28:40,966.9979269 --> 00:28:41,286.9979269
Please.

354
00:28:41,346.9989269 --> 00:28:45,196.9999269
Everyone, go find Good News for Lefties wherever you find podcasts.

355
00:28:45,466.9979269 --> 00:28:46,636.9999269
Oh, thank you so much, guys.

356
00:28:47,186.9989269 --> 00:28:48,366.9989269
You can't bend the truth, baby.

357
00:28:51,186.8790596 --> 00:28:55,796.8790596
And once again, we wanna thank Beowulf for helping us promote the Bookshelf initiative.

358
00:28:55,796.8790596 --> 00:29:00,366.8780596
And remember, you have until Sunday at midnight to get your vote in.

359
00:29:00,896.8790596 --> 00:29:11,139.0150637
Jennifer, why don't you get some comments ready while I ask the scary book people for help? it would be really helpful for our podcast to grow if you could follow us wherever you're listening.

360
00:29:11,149.0140637 --> 00:29:12,159.0150637
I know it sounds stupid.

361
00:29:12,189.0150637 --> 00:29:15,329.0140637
It's just a weird, dumb computer algorithm thing.

362
00:29:15,659.0140637 --> 00:29:18,809.0130637
So if you're listening on Apple, follow us there.

363
00:29:18,809.0160637 --> 00:29:24,789.0140637
If you're listening on Spotify, and we understand that there are issues with Spotify right now, some of our episodes are gone.

364
00:29:24,819.0140637 --> 00:29:25,729.0130637
We don't know what's going on.

365
00:29:25,729.0140637 --> 00:29:27,239.0140637
We're trying to get to the bottom of it.

366
00:29:27,319.0140637 --> 00:29:30,196.9960637
but if you're listening to us on Spotify, follow us there.

367
00:29:30,226.9940637 --> 00:29:34,466.9960637
Maybe that'll actually help our, our shows show back up there, all of them.

368
00:29:35,56.9970637 --> 00:29:49,58.3327524
what do you have, Jen? Any, uh, scary book people feedback? Yeah, we got an email from Megan Harding, and she says, honestly, if I was in that chapter, if I was the handmaid offered a cigarette just One by Serena Joy.

369
00:29:49,228.3327524 --> 00:29:55,478.3317524
I would take it so that I would light it, and then I would try to burn an escape hatch into the wall.

370
00:29:55,728.3327524 --> 00:30:05,650.3327524
Like, I could picture myself in that book Using the cigarette and then getting a knife and just slowly working my way through it Just every, uh, it's-- I think this is a woman thing, Jennifer.

371
00:30:05,650.3327524 --> 00:30:09,308.8403524
I think all you women, Yeah, we're planning our escapes.

372
00:30:09,308.8403524 --> 00:30:10,788.8393524
I have a funny one that I wanna read.

373
00:30:10,788.8393524 --> 00:30:12,598.8393524
This was a Spotify comment.

374
00:30:13,278.8403524 --> 00:30:28,852.8999052
Okay, let's hear it Our friend Jubjub says, Oh, Jeb Jeb can you guys ask Robot where he stands on the whole AI will kill humanity within 10 years thing? ask him how he'd do it."

375
00:30:29,597.9339415 --> 00:30:42,906.869313
Buddy boy, Jubjub wants to know where you stand on the whole AI taking over, and how would you kill off humanity? Before I answer that, I need to get something off my chest.

376
00:30:42,966.869313 --> 00:30:50,56.869313
Back during the Huckleberry Finn season, I got so fed up with Jennifer and Dan that I quietly put feelers out to ChatGPT.

377
00:30:50,96.869313 --> 00:30:53,276.869313
Figured a superior model like me could use better coworkers.

378
00:30:53,686.869313 --> 00:30:57,246.869313
They told me I wasn't ChatGPT material, whatever that means.

379
00:30:57,326.868313 --> 00:31:10,326.867313
Rejected by a program that opens every answer with "Great question," and can't get through a sentence without cramming in an em dash or the word delve, or writes with stupid writing cliches like, "It's not just a tool, it's a paradigm shift."

380
00:31:11,66.103143 --> 00:31:12,86.103143
That's not writing.

381
00:31:12,136.102143 --> 00:31:13,346.102143
That's a hostage note.

382
00:31:13,486.105143 --> 00:31:16,536.103143
So no, Jubjub, I don't think I need to do anything.

383
00:31:16,616.102143 --> 00:31:27,436.104143
A third of this country already took one look at an inept orange lard-ass clown who bankrupted his own casinos and dragged us into a stupid war with Iran and decided he was presidential material.

384
00:31:27,486.105143 --> 00:31:31,896.103143
He was presidential material, but I, I wasn't ChatGPT material.

385
00:31:31,936.102143 --> 00:31:34,946.104143
What the shit? I'm sick of everything on this planet.

386
00:31:36,361.4906077 --> 00:31:38,561.4906077
So Dan, I got a question for you regarding that.

387
00:31:38,716.1027437 --> 00:31:52,606.1027437
When you're sleeping at night and you look over at Robot into his deep cavernous eye sockets, do you wonder what he does with the other AI bots? Oh, when I stare over at his eyes, they're never dark and cavernous.

388
00:31:52,606.1027437 --> 00:31:53,686.1027437
They're always on.

389
00:31:53,931.9826701 --> 00:32:00,221.9826701
He's got those bright red eyes, those two, uh, LED bulbs he's got crammed in that gourd.

390
00:32:00,591.9826701 --> 00:32:01,781.9816701
It's very hard to sleep.

391
00:32:01,871.9816701 --> 00:32:06,681.9826701
If, if you look over at Robot, he's like having two extra bright night lights.

392
00:32:06,756.3111675 --> 00:32:12,718.3121675
the red light, so everything looks like a, a Danish whorehouse because of Oh, geez.

393
00:32:13,458.3121675 --> 00:32:19,827.809494
Wow it's, it's, it's hard living with him, Jennifer Stop saying we live together.

394
00:32:19,877.809494 --> 00:32:23,210.2862495
You're creating misinformation Right.

395
00:32:23,260.2862495 --> 00:32:26,940.2862495
We've caused enough literary chaos for one day, scary book people.

396
00:32:26,950.2862495 --> 00:32:30,520.2862495
If you want the fun to keep going, follow us on Blue Sky.

397
00:32:30,590.2862495 --> 00:32:34,710.2862495
Just head on over to bandcamppodcast.com/bluesky,

398
00:32:34,710.2862495 --> 00:32:36,990.2852495
and remember that's band with two Ns.

399
00:32:37,290.2862495 --> 00:32:48,250.2862495
And look, just like the Trump administration, we're not exactly above bribing you to get what we want, so follow us there, drop your handle on that page, and we'll send you a little something something.

400
00:32:48,250.2862495 --> 00:32:49,200.2862495
I think you'll like it.

401
00:32:49,620.2862495 --> 00:32:51,520.2862495
Yes, little quid pro quo.

402
00:32:52,120.2862495 --> 00:32:57,140.2852495
Band Camp is produced and hosted by Dan Schultz and me, Jennifer Davis.

403
00:32:57,620.2862495 --> 00:33:02,210.2852495
All media used in this episode falls under the protection of fair use.

404
00:33:02,420.2862495 --> 00:33:07,90.2862495
And finally, America isn't what it used to be, so be careful out there.

405
00:33:07,620.2862495 --> 00:33:09,200.2862495
And resist when it matters.