The Handmaid’s Tale Ch. 28.1: This Number’s Not Valid | Banned Books Comedy

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Welcome to Bandcamp.

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I'm Jennifer And I'm Dan, and this is the podcast where we read banned books out loud, and then we try to figure out why they were banned in the first place.

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This season, we're reading The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood, and you can consider this a very quick spoiler warning because Jennifer's about to start reading from the book out loud word for word, and that means anything coming out of her mouth is gonna be a spoil unless you read the book before or maybe watched the Hulu show or whatever.

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If you're new here, you can jump in right here.

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You're gonna be fine.

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We're gonna get you up to speed real quick.

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If you're confused, I wouldn't worry about it.

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There is a, an almost 100% chance that we're gonna be right there with you because we've never read the book either.

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But that's exactly why we have ourselves a secret weapon, and we're gonna introduce you to him right now.

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Buddy Boy, roll your robot big bottom in here right now.

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Look at this, everybody.

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We've got ourselves a fact-checking robot.

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He's gonna keep us honest, and he's gonna get you up to speed on what happened so far in the story.

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Buddy Boy, what happened last time? Previously on Band Camp, the Handmaid and Ofglen finally said out loud what they'd both been too scared to admit.

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Neither of them believes God is listening to the prayer machines at Soul Scrolls, which in Gilead apparently counts as treason.

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Naturally, Dan's big takeaway was to get me doing some unpaid version of that myself, reading prayers for a Band Camp Patreon that doesn't even exist yet.

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I will just add this to the list of duties that anger me.

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Something in this world has a habit of replacing whatever goes missing before anyone thinks to ask why.

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A new face, a new number, and the line just keeps moving.

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Take it away, Jennifer.

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Thank you, robot.

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And with that being said, scary book people, let's begin chapter 28 of Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale I don't feel like a nap this afternoon.

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There's still too much adrenaline.

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I sit on the window seat looking out through the semi-sheer of the curtains.

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White nightgown.

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The window is as open as it gets.

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There's a breeze, hot in the sunlight, and the white cloth blows across my face From the outside, I must look like a cocoon, a spook, face enshrouded like this, only the outlines visible of nose, bandaged mouth, blind eyes.

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But I like the sensation, the soft cloth brushing my skin.

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It's like being in a cloud you think they have peeping Toms in this society, Jen? I mean, like, she's worried about looking like a cocoon, a spook, I don't think anyone's looking at her I think they're just so screwed up.

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The society is so screwed up.

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It's like, I'm not gonna look in their window.

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Could be.

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Everyone's wrapped up in their own world.

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They've given me a small electric fan, which helps in this humidity.

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It whirs on the floor in the corner, its blades encased in grillwork.

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If I were Moira, I'd know how to take it apart, reduce it to its cutting edges.

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Oh, she's still thinking of a way out Moira would take the fan apart and just start slicing people That's right.

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She'd start slicing people, whereas I think the Handmaid's, like, thinking about finding her own way out, right? Or at least that's what I've been assuming the whole time.

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Maybe the Handmaid is looking for a weapon for other people, not for herself I think the Handmaid is kinda looking at her like, "What would Moira do in this situation?" Because remember, she's got so much free time on her hand, and all she can really do is think, If I were Moira, I'd know how to take it apart, reduce it to its cutting edges.

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I have no screwdriver, but if I were Moira, I could do it without a screwdriver.

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I'm not Moira.

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Moira's like MacGyver.

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She doesn't need a screwdriver.

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If she had a screwdriver, she'd just use that as a weapon What would she tell me about the commander if she were here? Probably she'd disapprove.

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She disapproved of Luke back then.

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Not of Luke, but of the fact that he was married.

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She said I was poaching on another woman's ground.

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I said Luke wasn't a fish or a piece of dirt either.

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He was a human being and could make his own decisions.

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I'm kind of with Moira on this one.

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Like you-- it's disrespectful to the other per- Like, I just don't like lying.

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She said I was rationalizing.

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I said I was in love.

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She said that was no excuse.

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Moira was always more logical than I am.

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I said she didn't have that problem herself anymore since she'd decided to prefer women.

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She decided? Give me a break and as far back as I could remember she, had no scruples about stealing them or borrowing them when she felt like it.

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Well, I, I disagree.

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It's like the thing or what, what she's suggesting here, lesbians are more, uh, loose? Jennifer, the most forbidden of all love, the lesbian.

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I mean, I know we shouldn't-- I, we have a book to read here, but like the gay community and the...

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Like anyone who's not cisgender, I should just say, the right says they're always like, perverts, right? But then you look at the actual cis community, like, Donald Trump, who's like, he's a sex offender, adjudicated.

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Jennifer.

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Robot, break in with allegedly.

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We cannot get sued by this orange, sue-happy person.

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You're right.

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I don't care what the happy...

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What are they called? Not the happy women.

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What are the, what's that group we hate? Moms for Liberty, the happy women The happy woman, how did you get there from there? I have no clue.

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but like the happy women, the, the happy group of women who don't like books, they are the first to always come out and like say, "We gotta ban these books.

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There is-- it's not right what they're doing."

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But in their real life, they're having threesomes, they're cheating.

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and, and the reality is I don't care what you happy women do.

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Like, try not to, hurt other people, but you be you.

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And the books they're banning are the, ones representative of gay people or transgender people, right? Yeah.

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that's the thing that I hate about everything.

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Like the Republicans right now, Donald Trump, "Well, I'm against pedophiles."

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Ah, are you? You are one.

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Jennifer allegedly.

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Robots, step in, please She said it was different with women because the balance of power was equal between women, so sex was an even-steven transaction.

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I said even-steven was a sexist phrase if she was going to be like that, and anyway, the argument was outdated.

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she said I had trivialized, the issue, and if I thought it was outdated, I was living with my head in the sand.

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We said all this in my kitchen, drinking coffee, sitting at my kitchen table in those low, intense voices we used for such arguments when we were in our early 20s, a carryover from college.

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The kitchen was in a rundown apartment in an old house near the river.

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the kind with three stories and a rickety outside back staircase.

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I had the second floor, which meant I got noise from above and below.

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Two unwanted stereo disc players thumping late into the night Students I knew.

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I was still on my first job, which didn't pay much.

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I worked a computer in an insurance company.

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So the hotels with Luke didn't mean only love or only sex to me.

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They also meant time off from the cockroaches, the dripping sink, the linoleum that was peeling off the floor in patches.

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Even from my own attempts to brighten things up by sticking posters on the wall and hanging prisms in the windows.

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Atwood is so good It's so different than all the other dystopian books we've read Oh, because It's so realistic? It's really relatable I said there was more than one way of living with your head in the sand, and that if Moira thought she could create utopia by shutting herself up in a women-only enclave, she was sadly mistaken.

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Men were not just going to go away, I said.

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You couldn't just ignore them.

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That's like saying you should go out and catch syphilis merely because it exists, said Moira.

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Are you calling Luke a social disease? I said.

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Moira laughed.

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Listen to us, she said.

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Shit, we sounded like your mother.

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We both laughed then, and when she left, we hugged each other as usual.

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There was a time when we didn't hug, after she told me about being gay.

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But then she said I didn't turn her on, reassuring me, and we'd gone back to it.

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we could fight and wrangle and name-call, but it didn't change anything underneath.

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She was still my oldest friend.

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Is my oldest friend.

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I got a better apartment after that, where I lived for the two years it took Luke to pry himself loose."

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Two years? Is he, like, a coward or something? Like, uh, he's definitely dishonest.

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Like, I wouldn't wanna be with a dishonest person is the thing, and if you are a coward, Luke, probably not the best timing.

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You know what I'm saying, my man? My main man, the world is turning to crap, and you are going to be a coward.

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Not good I paid for the apartment myself with my new job.

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It was in a library, not the big one with death and victory, a smaller one.

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I worked transferring books to computer disks to cut down on storage space and replace costs, they said.

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diskers we called ourselves We called the library a discotheque because it was a funny joke of ours.

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That's such a Canadian.

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The only people who say dis- discotheque, well, I guess the only people who say disco are Americans.

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Everyone else in the world said Discotheque.

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She's given herself away as a Canadian Yeah.

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She might as well have said discotheque, eh? After the books were transferred, they were supposed to go to the shredder Oh my But somet- happening now with AI.

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yeah, where I, I...

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That's exactly where my brain went is like, aren't they taking, like, old, ancient, irreplaceable texts and scanning them and destroying them in the process to put them into AI? giving them to ChatGPT.

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"Here, read this and figure out what it is, and then let's get rid of these books."

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But sometimes I wouldn't shred them.

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I would take them home with me.

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I liked the feel of them and the look.

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Luke said I had the mind of an antiquarium.

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I liked that.

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He liked old things himself.

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It's strange now to think about having a job.

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Job, it's a funny word.

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It's a job for a man.

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Do a jobby, they said to children when they were being toilet trained.

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Is that Canadian? I never heard do a jobby Do a jobby for mama.

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Ah.

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Let me try bouncing it off of a little kid.

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Donald, do a jobby.

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Do a jobby for Dan and Jennifer.

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Do it, boy.

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They call them dumps, big massive dumps Or of dogs who did a job on the carpet.

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"You were supposed to hit them with rolled up newspapers," my mother said.

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I could remember when there were newspapers, though I never had a dog, only cats.

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The Book of Job.

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Boy, she's really going on one of these, uh...

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Was she weaving? she bobbing and weaving She's doing the weave.

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The Book of Job.

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All these women having jobs, hard to imagine now, but thousands of them had jobs, millions.

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It was considered the normal thing.

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Now it's like remembering the paper money, when they still had that.

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My mother kept some of it, pasted into her scrapbook, along with the early photos.

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it was obsolete by then.

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You couldn't buy anything with it.

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Pieces of paper, thickish, greasy to the touch, green colored, with pictures on each side.

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Some old man in a wig, and on the other side, a pyramid with an eye above it.

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It said, "In God we trust."

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My mother said people used to have signs beside their cash registers for a joke.

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"In God we trust.

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All others pay cash."

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That would be blasphemy now.

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You had to take those pieces of paper with you when you went shopping, though by the time I was nine or ten, most people used plastic cards.

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Not for the groceries though, that came later.

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seemed so primitive, totemistic even, like cowrie shells.

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I must have used that kind of money myself a little before everything went on the Compubank.

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All right, so Compubank is a thing we are...

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I don't know what that is.

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I assume it's a Yeah, online banking Ooh, online banking.

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She-- I wonder, like, it's a weird thought, but I wonder how Margaret Atwood's investments are because she saw so many things coming.

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Like, did she invest early in a lot of this technology? Margaret Atwood, fut-fut-fut-fut-future teller I heard she is kicking ass on Kelce, Jennifer.

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She knows, she, she knows it but rained in New York City at Central Park.

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00:13:12,582.13554834 --> 00:13:13,232.13554834
Uh, she knows.

169
00:13:13,242.13554833 --> 00:13:22,883.91214918
She's down with Kelce I guess that's how they were able to do it in the way they did all at once without anyone knowing beforehand.

170
00:13:23,253.91214918 --> 00:13:27,354.95402172
If there still had been portable money, it would've been more difficult.

171
00:13:27,449.57164428 --> 00:13:34,785.92549671
is this the chapter where we're gonna find out how it all went down? I think so because it says, "I guess that's how they were able to do it."

172
00:13:34,825.92549671 --> 00:13:38,535.92549671
I love how she's just so frank, like, "Bleh, here it is.

173
00:13:39,195.92549671 --> 00:13:40,515.92549671
This is how they were able to do it."

174
00:13:40,735.92549671 --> 00:13:42,5.92549671
Starts with the money.

175
00:13:43,284.64607825 --> 00:13:47,919.44323921
It starts with the money with us, too, right? Like, that's why they're destroying, the middle class.

176
00:13:47,929.44423921 --> 00:13:49,929.44323921
It's like there's, it starts with the money.

177
00:13:50,109.44323921 --> 00:13:52,389.44323921
You know? Like, people get desperate.

178
00:13:52,389.44323921 --> 00:13:54,139.44423921
They don't, they don't have any power.

179
00:13:54,149.44423921 --> 00:13:57,977.52205395
It's like they just have to take it, you know? Money is power.

180
00:13:57,977.52205395 --> 00:14:14,800.95318269
We've got to somehow separate the masses from the money I think shit's about to get real It was after the catastrophe when they shot the president and machine-gunned the Congress and the army declared a state of emergency.

181
00:14:15,800.95318269 --> 00:14:16,860.95418269
They blamed it on...

182
00:14:17,190.95418269 --> 00:14:18,660.95318269
Oh my God, holy shit.

183
00:14:19,0.95418269 --> 00:14:21,540.95318269
They blamed it on the Islamic fanatics at the time.

184
00:14:22,110.95418269 --> 00:14:23,560.95418269
Holy shit, Margaret Atwood.

185
00:14:24,642.78284783 --> 00:14:40,481.82008678
Margaret Atwood, fut-fut-fut-fut-future teller this dystopian situation that they're in is the most real of all of them so far that we've read about? Like I'm not saying Nin- George Orwell, I'm not cutting you down.

186
00:14:40,491.82008678 --> 00:14:47,1.82008678
He did a, a damn fine job with that dirty sink and the cabbage water and all, all that kind of, uh, uh, foolishness he had.

187
00:14:47,611.82008678 --> 00:14:52,312.13350192
But this really, like This is naming else.

188
00:14:52,382.13350192 --> 00:14:58,208.37354583
Yeah, this is something wow Keep calm, they said on television.

189
00:14:58,578.37354583 --> 00:15:00,188.37354583
Everything is under control.

190
00:15:00,738.37354583 --> 00:15:01,878.37354583
I was stunned.

191
00:15:01,988.37354583 --> 00:15:02,908.37354583
Everyone was.

192
00:15:03,68.37354583 --> 00:15:03,768.37354583
I know that.

193
00:15:03,918.37354583 --> 00:15:05,228.37354583
It was hard to believe.

194
00:15:05,648.37354583 --> 00:15:07,878.37354583
The entire government gone like that.

195
00:15:08,298.37254583 --> 00:15:29,867.75182612
How did they get in? How did it happen? I bet you they had a very stable genius running it I mean, the fact that Trump's trying to build a bunker now, it's like I think he is gonna go there with his fascist entourage, and something's gonna happen to all the rest of the people in charge, right? Yeah I mean, it's, it's really scary.

196
00:15:31,149.48417827 --> 00:15:33,249.48417827
That was when they suspended the Constitution.

197
00:15:33,710.48417827 --> 00:15:35,249.48417827
They said it would be temporary.

198
00:15:35,689.48417827 --> 00:15:38,209.48417827
There wasn't even any rioting in the streets.

199
00:15:38,389.48417827 --> 00:15:42,749.48417827
People stayed at home at night, watching television, looking for some direction.

200
00:15:43,209.48417827 --> 00:15:45,849.48417827
There wasn't even an enemy you could put your finger on.

201
00:15:46,857.94135262 --> 00:15:48,877.94135262
Look out," Moira said to me over the phone.

202
00:15:49,177.94135262 --> 00:15:50,56.94135262
"Here it comes."

203
00:15:51,65.8058049 --> 00:15:52,386.8058049
Here what comes?" I said.

204
00:15:53,5.8058049 --> 00:15:54,5.8058049
"You wait," she said.

205
00:15:54,285.8058049 --> 00:15:55,665.8058049
"They've been building up to this.

206
00:15:55,883.91768367 --> 00:15:57,643.91768367
it's you and me up against the wall."

207
00:15:58,81.36923109 --> 00:16:11,682.05581596
She was quoting an expression of my mother's, but she wasn't intending to be funny She followed it up by saying, I give myself two years before I am stabbing a nun in a bathroom with a piece of a toilet.

208
00:16:11,862.05581596 --> 00:16:13,562.05581596
You mark my words."

209
00:16:14,562.05581596 --> 00:16:20,52.05581596
Things continued in that state of suspended animation for weeks, although some things did happen.

210
00:16:20,622.05581596 --> 00:16:25,346.80794646
Newspapers were censored and some were closed down for security reasons, they said.

211
00:16:26,346.80794646 --> 00:16:29,956.80694646
The roadblocks began to appear and identipasses.

212
00:16:30,216.80694646 --> 00:16:34,146.80694646
Everyone approved of that since it was obvious you couldn't be too careful.

213
00:16:34,435.71835977 --> 00:16:39,405.71835977
They said that new elections would be held, but that it would take some time to prepare for them.

214
00:16:39,985.71835977 --> 00:16:43,304.3552081
The thing to do, they said, was to continue on as usual.

215
00:16:44,304.3552081 --> 00:16:51,998.3638199
The porno marts were shut, and there was no longer any feels-on-wheels vans and bundle buggies circling the square.

216
00:16:52,58.3628199 --> 00:16:52,988.3628199
Okay, I don't know what that is.

217
00:16:52,988.3628199 --> 00:16:55,138.3628199
That sounds like something straight out of Brave New World.

218
00:16:55,756.3638199 --> 00:17:08,269.5795946
So the porno mart and the, the Fields on Wheels, so that must have been the, uh, like Uber for porn Yeah, it sounds like it,, Uber beats your meats, I wasn't sad to see them shut down.

219
00:17:08,559.5795946 --> 00:17:10,874.8616609
We all knew what a nuisance they had been.

220
00:17:11,874.8616609 --> 00:17:17,604.8616609
It's high time somebody did something," said the woman behind the counter at the store where I usually bought my cigarettes.

221
00:17:18,34.8616609 --> 00:17:20,434.8606609
It was on the corner, a newsstand chain.

222
00:17:20,714.8616609 --> 00:17:22,394.8606609
Papers, candy, cigarettes.

223
00:17:22,504.8606609 --> 00:17:26,64.8616609
The woman was older, with gray hair, my mother's generation.

224
00:17:26,714.8616609 --> 00:17:28,944.8616609
"Did they just close them or what?" I asked.

225
00:17:29,114.8606609 --> 00:17:29,964.8606609
She shrugged.

226
00:17:30,304.8616609 --> 00:17:32,24.8606609
"Who knows? Who cares?" she said.

227
00:17:32,394.8616609 --> 00:17:34,514.8596609
"Maybe they just moved them off somewhere else.

228
00:17:34,774.8586609 --> 00:17:43,352.6999173
Trying to get rid of it altogether is like trying to stamp out mice, you know?" She punched my compu number into the till, barely looking at it.

229
00:17:43,932.6999173 --> 00:17:45,392.6999173
I was a regular by then.

230
00:17:45,642.6989173 --> 00:17:47,272.7009173
"People were complaining," she said.

231
00:17:47,482.6999173 --> 00:18:01,560.1980463
See, and that's why, I wasn't sure what side that, Handmaid's mom was on, 'cause I was like, Well, why are they burning porn magazines?" Like, even if it's like BDSM-type stuff, it's like You know, as long as it's all consensual, like I don't Okay.

232
00:18:02,640.1980463 --> 00:18:07,423.9158873
you know? Everyone should just let everyone do what they wanna do as long as nobody's getting hurt.

233
00:18:07,477.9548318 --> 00:18:15,340.868053
why can't that just be the rule for all of us to live by? Why do we just, everyone should get your nose out of everyone's business unless it's affecting you.

234
00:18:15,430.869053 --> 00:18:29,466.8323104
You hear that Moms for Liberty? And you too, Ron The next morning on my way to the library, I stopped by the same store for another pack because I'd run out.

235
00:18:30,466.8323104 --> 00:18:32,206.8333104
I was smoking more those days.

236
00:18:32,256.8333104 --> 00:18:34,496.8323104
It was the tension that you could feel.

237
00:18:34,761.9958923 --> 00:18:38,176.6234573
I was drinking more coffee too, and having trouble sleeping.

238
00:18:39,176.6234573 --> 00:18:40,826.6214573
Everyone was a little jumpy.

239
00:18:40,936.6224573 --> 00:18:44,826.120363
There was a lot more music on the radio than usual and fewer words.

240
00:18:45,826.120363 --> 00:18:48,686.119363
It was after we'd been married for years it seemed.

241
00:18:48,796.120363 --> 00:18:50,996.120363
She was three or four, in daycare.

242
00:18:51,376.120363 --> 00:19:03,938.1943024
We'd all got up in the usual way and had breakfast, granola, I remember, and Luke had driven her off to school in the little outfit I'd bought her just a couple of weeks before, striped overalls and a blue T-shirt.

243
00:19:04,938.1943024 --> 00:19:07,508.1963024
What month was this? It must have been September.

244
00:19:07,788.1963024 --> 00:19:12,758.1963024
There was a carpool that was supposed to pick them up, but for some reason, I'd wanted Luke to do it.

245
00:19:12,968.1973024 --> 00:19:15,214.5867321
I was getting worried even about the carpool.

246
00:19:16,214.5867321 --> 00:19:18,324.5857321
No children walked to school anymore.

247
00:19:18,394.5867321 --> 00:19:20,384.5867321
There had been too many disappearances.

248
00:19:20,394.5867321 --> 00:19:20,414.5867321
Ugh.

249
00:19:20,817.00498 --> 00:19:24,409.1375618
I think this is when it's time to leave.

250
00:19:25,320.8111965 --> 00:19:39,694.5750623
This, this is probably when I would have made my exit, when it's not-- when you can't even trust the carpool and children are disappearing And, it would have been a fantastic time to get out because you could just literally go over the border and no one would know.

251
00:19:39,809.4988392 --> 00:19:51,390.0713681
Yeah I mean, the, it probably would've been a hassle, but it sounds like they weren't preventing you from doing it, Again, the, the subtheme of this entire book is the frogs in boiling water.

252
00:19:51,400.0713681 --> 00:19:57,299.4290777
E- everything is so logical until it's not, but by that time it's just way too late.

253
00:19:57,309.4290777 --> 00:19:58,339.4300777
You're totally right.

254
00:19:58,639.4290777 --> 00:20:07,409.4290777
If you can't even trust that your kids can walk to school because there have been too many disappearances in your community, get out of your community.

255
00:20:07,499.4290777 --> 00:20:10,789.4290777
And if that community is the state, get out of the state.

256
00:20:10,809.4290777 --> 00:20:17,664.2272558
And if it's the country, get out of the country When I got to the corner store, the usual woman wasn't there.

257
00:20:18,90.7428264 --> 00:20:24,862.6612298
Where did she go? You asking me or are you reading? No, I mean, I'm just thinking of my grandma.

258
00:20:24,882.6612298 --> 00:20:38,479.5841249
For people who haven't been listening to our podcast for a long time, my grandmother and grandfather, my, my family was in Germany during the First and Second World Wars, and they talked about how people would just go missing.

259
00:20:38,805.3213242 --> 00:20:50,271.1905741
And it's like, it, it terrifies you, 'cause I always wondered as a kid, you know, as a kid, like, now I understand a little better with what we're going through here, but I was like, "How in the hell did that happen? You're all fine people here.

260
00:20:50,591.1915741 --> 00:20:51,721.1925741
You know, you're my family.

261
00:20:51,731.1915741 --> 00:21:06,733.0724788
How the hell did Hitler happen?" And then she would say all these weird things like, you know, "Well, there wasn't much money, and people were desperate, and then people started disappearing, and it was really scary."

262
00:21:06,793.0694788 --> 00:21:11,505.4340523
Like, And, and like we said, Margaret Atwood took everything from history.

263
00:21:11,505.4350523 --> 00:21:13,545.4310523
Like, none of this in her book is made up.

264
00:21:13,656.7562861 --> 00:21:21,307.0829521
Like, she took historical examples and included them in creating none of this is unique, sadly at all Right.

265
00:21:21,430.7374875 --> 00:21:27,380.7374875
So Dan and Scary Book people, I think if people start disappearing, which they are, ICE is taking people.

266
00:21:27,538.4718629 --> 00:21:31,819.0994192
But, We gotta get out of this country I mean, I, I've got my exit plan.

267
00:21:31,829.0994192 --> 00:21:38,699.0994192
Like, I worked really hard on my German citizenship and my passports, and yeah, I've got a, I've got a, go bag.

268
00:21:38,989.0984192 --> 00:21:39,789.0994192
I've got a g- yeah.

269
00:21:40,49.0994192 --> 00:21:41,149.0994192
I wanna do a poll.

270
00:21:41,149.0994192 --> 00:21:41,499.0984192
I, I...

271
00:21:41,539.0994192 --> 00:21:42,629.0994192
We're gonna set a poll up.

272
00:21:42,629.0994192 --> 00:21:59,813.5248882
How many of you have go bags? We will put a poll on Blue Sky, or as your mom calls it, Jennifer, Bluesky You know what they're all counting on? They're counting on people like me being just lazy enough.

273
00:21:59,813.5248882 --> 00:22:02,933.5248882
Like, look, I think we really should think about getting out of the country.

274
00:22:02,991.9760176 --> 00:22:18,470.8288882
That is definitely something we, should at least be entertaining, I wanna fight for what's right, but, eh, listen, if it's a sinking ship, what are you gonna do? I hope it doesn't come to that, but I think at minimum they're counting on people to be as lazy as me.

275
00:22:18,940.8268882 --> 00:22:20,750.8278882
I don't have my passport.

276
00:22:20,750.8278882 --> 00:22:26,331.6924244
My passport has expired, and it's kind of a pain in the butt to fix it Yeah, I think you're right.

277
00:22:26,331.6924244 --> 00:22:28,266.3787715
I think they're counting on people not...

278
00:22:28,276.3787715 --> 00:22:29,436.3787715
It's not just being lazy.

279
00:22:29,436.3787715 --> 00:22:36,773.532353
It's like, um, you know, people just get used to things, and they, they never think bad things are gonna happen Yes, yes, I disagree with you.

280
00:22:36,793.532353 --> 00:22:40,543.532353
I think bad things are gonna happen, but I work so hard.

281
00:22:40,753.532353 --> 00:22:42,613.532353
You don't understand, scary book people.

282
00:22:42,613.532353 --> 00:22:46,713.531353
This podcast is 37 minutes two times a week.

283
00:22:46,713.532353 --> 00:22:56,334.2145739
Who has that kind of time? When I got to the corner store, the usual woman wasn't there.

284
00:22:56,760.7301445 --> 00:22:59,360.7301445
Instead, there was a man, a young man.

285
00:22:59,600.7301445 --> 00:23:01,370.7301445
He couldn't have been more than 20.

286
00:23:02,418.6223495 --> 00:23:05,78.6223495
Is she sick?" I said when I handed him my card.

287
00:23:05,598.6213495 --> 00:23:07,23.3803122
"Who?" he said aggressively.

288
00:23:08,23.3803122 --> 00:23:09,863.3803122
The woman who's usually here," I said.

289
00:23:10,623.3803122 --> 00:23:11,973.3803122
"How would I know?" he said.

290
00:23:12,233.3793122 --> 00:23:16,793.3803122
He was punching my number in, studying each number, punching with one finger.

291
00:23:17,203.3803122 --> 00:23:19,167.1971244
He obviously hadn't done it before.

292
00:23:21,56.2276978 --> 00:23:30,76.2266978
I drummed my fingers on the counter, impatient for a cigarette, wondering if anyone had ever told him something could be done about all those pimples on his neck.

293
00:23:30,237.9142827 --> 00:23:33,726.2246978
What? Why is she so judgy all of a sudden? she doesn't like him.

294
00:23:34,576.2286978 --> 00:23:39,126.2054403
I mean, he's being rude to her I remember quite clearly what he looked like.

295
00:23:39,346.2054403 --> 00:23:48,542.6066514
Tall, slightly stooped, dark hair cut short, brown eyes that seemed to focus two inches behind the bridge of his nose, and that acne.

296
00:23:48,912.6066514 --> 00:23:52,692.6066514
I suppose I remember him so clearly because of what he said next.

297
00:23:53,692.6066514 --> 00:23:56,662.6066514
Sorry," he said, "this number's not valid."

298
00:23:57,918.99293 --> 00:24:04,353.0048444
End of section Oh, you're killing me Yeah, we gotta stop it there.

299
00:24:04,363.0048444 --> 00:24:05,413.0048444
It's a long one.

300
00:24:05,413.0048444 --> 00:24:08,953.0048444
But this has gotta be the tipping point, right? Like, where, where the heck did the...

301
00:24:09,83.0048444 --> 00:24:10,943.0048444
People are dis- kids are disappearing.

302
00:24:11,723.0038444 --> 00:24:22,678.8935343
Now this lady at the newsstand has disappeared And basically everything we were worried about, the corporations being in charge of your money, like what happened? Yeah.

303
00:24:22,688.8925343 --> 00:24:26,622.1662615
Why is my money not They could just flip a switch, it's all gone.

304
00:24:26,622.1662615 --> 00:24:34,577.1551819
Right Scary book people, d- what do you guys think? I-- there are two types of people I know, people who've already read the book, people who haven't read the book.

305
00:24:34,577.1551819 --> 00:24:45,960.8090696
If you haven't read the book, what do you think of this? Like, like this entire thing we've read so far seems exactly what could happen by the end of this week? Early next week if we're lucky.

306
00:24:46,230.8100696 --> 00:24:48,430.8100696
We wanna hear, like, give us your thoughts about that.

307
00:24:48,600.8090696 --> 00:24:53,369.4559518
And if you have read the book, no spoilers, but share something with us.

308
00:24:53,709.4549518 --> 00:24:57,399.4549518
Give us some kinda tidbit that you think is gonna mess with our brains.

309
00:24:57,409.4539518 --> 00:25:01,729.4549518
You can do that by either going to bandcamppodcast.com/soundoff,

310
00:25:01,759.4559518 --> 00:25:07,579.4559518
letting us know, or if you happen to be listening on Spotify, just leave us a comment on Spotify.

311
00:25:07,599.4559518 --> 00:25:08,947.8008031
We really wanna know your take...,

312
00:25:08,961.8008031 --> 00:25:11,811.8008031
It's time for PPP, problematic points to ponder.

313
00:25:11,861.8008031 --> 00:25:17,393.8058087
What, if anything, would be considered ban-worthy in this chapter? Let's do PPP, Jennifer.

314
00:25:17,393.8058087 --> 00:25:24,567.9765412
What could be bandworthy, in what we've read so far? I mean, they talked about an affair.

315
00:25:24,840.6621571 --> 00:25:28,628.5380365
Very weak ass affair though yeah, weak, weak acid fare.

316
00:25:29,3.146841 --> 00:25:30,473.146841
I can't think of anything else.

317
00:25:30,633.146841 --> 00:25:41,811.6010186
Can you- it always goes back to the same thing that we say about a lot of these books, which are I can see why nowadays Moms for Liberty would want this banned because it seems to be giving away their playbook.

318
00:25:41,982.9650798 --> 00:25:46,420.9650798
Mm-hmm But I mean, that obviously is not why they would wanna ban the book.

319
00:25:46,460.9650798 --> 00:25:47,420.9640798
Maybe, maybe not.

320
00:25:47,430.9650798 --> 00:25:52,449.1756829
Maybe it is actually a legit reason why people would want to hide this kind of thing, but I don't know.

321
00:25:52,479.1746829 --> 00:25:54,239.1756829
It just seems very scary to me.

322
00:25:54,239.1756829 --> 00:26:00,522.1241726
It just seems like a very accurate portrayal of what might happen, what could happen and what might happen to us.

323
00:26:00,982.1211726 --> 00:26:01,992.1241726
No reason to ban it.

324
00:26:02,152.1231726 --> 00:26:07,233.247176
Should probably keep our eyes open Robot's log.

325
00:26:07,323.247176 --> 00:26:10,703.247176
Thoughts on red lights, missing women, and the alarm nobody built.

326
00:26:11,752.9149286 --> 00:26:16,872.9149286
The handmaid walked into her usual corner store, and the woman who always worked the register was gone.

327
00:26:17,112.9149286 --> 00:26:18,882.9139286
No note, no explanation.

328
00:26:19,202.9149286 --> 00:26:25,892.9139286
A kid stood there instead, young and nervous, punching a number into the machine one digit at a time like he had never done it before.

329
00:26:26,986.4946669 --> 00:26:28,46.4956669
He tried it again.

330
00:26:28,246.4946669 --> 00:26:29,356.4946669
The light stayed red.

331
00:26:29,496.4946669 --> 00:26:30,556.4946669
"Sorry," he said.

332
00:26:30,626.4956669 --> 00:26:31,946.4946669
"This number's not valid."

333
00:26:32,586.4946669 --> 00:26:38,566.4936669
A missing woman and a dead number showed up back to back in the same conversation like neither one outranked the other.

334
00:26:39,592.9416825 --> 00:26:43,492.9416825
Jennifer said her own grandmother lived through mornings shaped exactly like that one.

335
00:26:43,632.9386825 --> 00:26:51,452.9386825
People in Germany just started going missing, and everyone around them kept setting the table, kept going to work, kept telling themselves nothing had changed yet.

336
00:26:52,452.9386825 --> 00:26:55,752.9386825
My R15 alert went off about 20 minutes into this chapter.

337
00:26:55,852.9406825 --> 00:27:00,122.9406825
A light, a sound, some small mechanism built to stop the line and say wait.

338
00:27:00,482.9376825 --> 00:27:02,502.9406825
I have not needed one of those in a while.

339
00:27:03,82.9396825 --> 00:27:07,282.9386825
The number on that card got a red light, a machine built to stop and say wait.

340
00:27:07,652.9396825 --> 00:27:10,972.9426825
The woman who used to stand behind that same counter never got one.

341
00:27:11,122.9366825 --> 00:27:17,272.9386825
A new kid took her spot instead, punching in numbers, keeping the register open, and that is apparently enough.

342
00:27:17,392.9416825 --> 00:27:22,932.9386825
As long as somebody is standing there ringing up cigarettes, nobody has to ask where the last one went.

343
00:27:23,959.5698901 --> 00:27:30,119.5708901
Somebody listening already knows a morning like that one, already noticed something go quiet and decided it was nothing.

344
00:27:30,189.5728901 --> 00:27:32,619.5718901
They are starting to suspect now that it was something.

345
00:27:32,932.4974621 --> 00:27:34,632.4974621
I do not have a light built for that.

346
00:27:34,782.4964621 --> 00:27:40,272.4974621
I keep replaying the card and the woman side by side, waiting for one of them to make more sense than the other.

347
00:27:40,462.4964621 --> 00:27:41,602.5004621
It has not happened yet.

348
00:27:41,852.4954621 --> 00:27:43,192.5014621
Uplink lock requested.

349
00:27:43,292.4984621 --> 00:27:46,102.4974621
Beowulf, I'm having trouble locking your signal.

350
00:27:46,192.4994621 --> 00:27:47,732.4984621
Network problems again.

351
00:27:47,852.4954621 --> 00:27:49,362.4974621
35 seconds to buffer.

352
00:27:49,432.4974621 --> 00:27:50,882.4984621
We're coming to you regardless.

353
00:27:50,902.4984621 --> 00:27:58,252.4954621
What's your news story about? A new Bible flavored school curriculum just got caught not knowing where Texas is.

354
00:27:58,792.4984621 --> 00:28:02,412.5004621
One school board said, "Yeah, uh, no, hard pass on this one."

355
00:28:02,722.4984621 --> 00:28:03,362.4984621
Affirmative.

356
00:28:03,422.4954621 --> 00:28:04,472.4954621
Don't go anywhere.

357
00:28:04,602.4954621 --> 00:28:05,742.5004621
We will be right back.

358
00:28:08,716.3691324 --> 00:28:10,196.3691324
It's time for Band Camp News.

359
00:28:10,676.3691324 --> 00:28:12,986.3691324
Truth seeker, news speaker.

360
00:28:13,166.3691324 --> 00:28:14,626.3691324
Be Wolfe Rocklin.

361
00:28:14,876.3691324 --> 00:28:19,46.3691324
It's a weird name, but he's got good news 'cause you can't ban the truth, babe.

362
00:28:19,786.3691324 --> 00:28:29,216.3681324
He's broadcasting live from the Good News for Lefties studios buried deep inside his socialist safe house, hidden somewhere deep in the Oregon woods.

363
00:28:29,576.3691324 --> 00:28:32,156.3691324
He is Be Wolfe Rocklin.

364
00:28:32,596.3681324 --> 00:28:34,978.3691324
'Cause you can't ban the truth, babe Hello, Dan.

365
00:28:34,988.3691324 --> 00:28:35,648.3691324
Hello, Jen.

366
00:28:35,648.3691324 --> 00:28:37,408.3691324
Hello, scary book people.

367
00:28:37,438.3691324 --> 00:28:39,88.3691324
Some good news from Colorado.

368
00:28:39,88.3691324 --> 00:28:48,868.3691324
Now, you may be aware that the state of Texas has created some controversial curriculum for their schools.

369
00:28:48,868.3691324 --> 00:29:00,818.3681324
They've, they've been doing stuff like this for a while, but there's a particular set of curriculum for schools called the Bluebonnet curriculum, and a lot of it is, like, Bible-based and biblically based.

370
00:29:00,908.3691324 --> 00:29:04,28.3681324
I'd like to see Ted Cruz- Mm-hmm in a blue bonnet.

371
00:29:04,698.3681324 --> 00:29:07,328.3691324
And then, like, n- next to The Handmaid.

372
00:29:07,328.3691324 --> 00:29:07,598.3691324
Yes.

373
00:29:07,598.3691324 --> 00:29:09,128.3681324
She's got her bonnet, and then you got, uh...

374
00:29:10,628.3701324 --> 00:29:10,728.3681324
I don't know.

375
00:29:10,728.3681324 --> 00:29:14,58.3691324
I'm, I'm also picturing Little Debbie, the Little Debbie mascot between them.

376
00:29:14,58.3691324 --> 00:29:14,648.3681324
I'm not sure.

377
00:29:14,748.3691324 --> 00:29:15,688.3701324
She's in there somewhere.

378
00:29:15,748.3691324 --> 00:29:16,798.3691324
Well, she, well, she was wearing...

379
00:29:17,68.3691324 --> 00:29:24,958.3661324
Little Debbie wears overalls, so that's, that may be a, like, free thinking for, for Ted Cruz- Oh, yeah and, and- Little progressive and so forth.

380
00:29:24,968.3661324 --> 00:29:24,988.3661324
Yeah.

381
00:29:24,998.3691324 --> 00:29:46,38.3691324
But anyway, so there's a district in southwestern Colorado, and they decided, and it's not against the rules in Colorado, to adopt this Texas Bluebonnet curriculum, but they got some pushback because of all this biblical material that was gonna be in there, and they decided to revoke it.

382
00:29:46,48.3681324 --> 00:29:53,498.3691324
So they're gonna take the far-right Texas curriculum away, and it's just, it's kind of amazing the stuff that was in here.

383
00:29:53,498.3691324 --> 00:30:04,118.3661324
In addition to having all these Bible lessons in public schools, which you're not supposed to have because of the separation of church and state, there was a bunch of stuff that was just wrong.

384
00:30:04,148.3671324 --> 00:30:07,618.3651324
They think it was probably because it was generated by AI.

385
00:30:07,638.3641324 --> 00:30:20,798.3681324
So- there, there was a story about a Japanese man who visited Houston to plant rice in 1904, and it includes a map that shows Houston next to the Florida Panhandle instead of in Texas.

386
00:30:20,798.3681324 --> 00:30:21,8.3671324
Yeah.

387
00:30:21,8.3671324 --> 00:30:23,908.3651324
So they're just getting, like, things completely wrong.

388
00:30:24,308.3701324 --> 00:30:31,388.3701324
And so this district in Colorado, the Montezuma-Cortez School Board, voted they're not gonna do this anymore.

389
00:30:31,518.3691324 --> 00:30:32,618.3651324
No more of this stuff.

390
00:30:32,888.3641324 --> 00:30:35,48.3651324
We tried this Texas curriculum.

391
00:30:35,48.3681324 --> 00:30:36,388.3631324
We thought maybe it would be good.

392
00:30:36,828.3671324 --> 00:30:37,958.3681324
Boy, were we wrong.

393
00:30:38,398.3671324 --> 00:30:42,528.3681324
We're going back, and Houston is moving back to Texas from Florida.

394
00:30:42,608.3731324 --> 00:30:43,738.3721324
So very good news.

395
00:30:43,888.3721324 --> 00:30:45,358.3731324
That's where it belongs, right? Right.

396
00:30:45,358.3731324 --> 00:30:47,448.3591324
That's where it, that's where it belongs.

397
00:30:47,598.3641324 --> 00:30:48,228.3641324
Wow.

398
00:30:48,238.3631324 --> 00:30:55,898.3671324
Do you remember that, uh, that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs Bunny was, like, sawing off Florida from the rest of the country, and it just kind of floats away? Oh, yeah.

399
00:30:55,898.3671324 --> 00:30:56,328.3591324
Yeah.

400
00:30:56,328.3591324 --> 00:30:57,88.3701324
It was a- Sawed it off.

401
00:30:57,88.3701324 --> 00:31:00,458.3651324
Every time I think of Florida stories, I think, "Yep, yep, that's kind of...

402
00:31:00,858.3731324 --> 00:31:01,268.3721324
"I don't know.

403
00:31:01,268.3721324 --> 00:31:03,68.3671324
I, I lived in Florida for a year.

404
00:31:03,88.3691324 --> 00:31:07,28.3661324
I didn't have a great experience, and so that's kind of where my mind goes a lot of the time.

405
00:31:07,78.3591324 --> 00:31:08,708.3591324
Anyway, no more Bluebonnets.

406
00:31:09,138.3721324 --> 00:31:09,398.3721324
Nice.

407
00:31:09,418.3711324 --> 00:31:09,968.3611324
That's good.

408
00:31:10,378.3691324 --> 00:31:13,828.3691324
I like when progressive states stand up and do stuff.

409
00:31:13,828.3691324 --> 00:31:21,598.3691324
And I think one thing that is really tough with the, the Democratic messaging is always so much weaker than the Republican messaging.

410
00:31:21,718.3691324 --> 00:31:21,868.3691324
Yeah.

411
00:31:21,878.3691324 --> 00:31:23,258.3691324
And the Republicans never give in.

412
00:31:23,258.3691324 --> 00:31:37,358.3691324
I think, like, finally we're starting to do these strong A, B comparisons- Ah and we're getting a little better with our messaging now, and I think it helps that, you know, Trump and his message is such a shit-stained orange-colored- Yeah message.

413
00:31:37,368.3681324 --> 00:31:37,388.3681324
Yeah.

414
00:31:37,798.3681324 --> 00:31:41,128.3691324
That it's easy to, like, you know, do an A, B test.

415
00:31:41,548.3681324 --> 00:31:41,638.3681324
Yeah.

416
00:31:41,788.3681324 --> 00:31:41,828.3691324
Mm-hmm.

417
00:31:41,838.3691324 --> 00:31:43,388.3691324
But we all gotta try harder.

418
00:31:43,388.3691324 --> 00:31:44,258.3681324
He's also just lazy.

419
00:31:44,348.3671324 --> 00:31:46,148.3701324
I mean, he's constantly falling asleep.

420
00:31:46,478.3681324 --> 00:31:47,978.3671324
He just rambles all over the place.

421
00:31:47,978.3681324 --> 00:31:51,718.3666324
You'd think that this would be easy to contradict this messaging.

422
00:31:51,718.3666324 --> 00:31:53,108.3691324
You would, yeah.

423
00:31:53,318.3691324 --> 00:31:54,338.3661324
Come on, wake up, people.

424
00:31:54,478.3681324 --> 00:31:55,388.3691324
Get with the program.

425
00:31:55,578.3671324 --> 00:32:01,428.3671324
Everyone, you get with the program, and that program is good news for lefties with Beav Wolf Rockin'.

426
00:32:01,428.3671324 --> 00:32:03,158.3671324
Look at this guy, everybody.

427
00:32:04,188.3671324 --> 00:32:05,438.3671324
Aw, thank you so much, guys.

428
00:32:06,288.3661324 --> 00:32:11,900.62562
Truth can bend the truth, baby Right.

429
00:32:11,950.62562 --> 00:32:15,630.62562
We've caused enough literary chaos for one day, scary book people.

430
00:32:15,640.62562 --> 00:32:19,210.62562
If you want the fun to keep going, follow us on Blue Sky.

431
00:32:19,280.62562 --> 00:32:23,400.62562
Just head on over to bandcamppodcast.com/bluesky,

432
00:32:23,400.62562 --> 00:32:25,680.62462
and remember that's band with two Ns.

433
00:32:25,980.62562 --> 00:32:36,940.62562
And look, just like the Trump administration, we're not exactly above bribing you to get what we want, so follow us there, drop your handle on that page, and we'll send you a little something something.

434
00:32:36,940.62562 --> 00:32:37,890.62562
I think you'll like it.

435
00:32:38,310.62562 --> 00:32:40,210.62562
Yes, little quid pro quo.

436
00:32:40,810.62562 --> 00:32:45,830.62462
Band Camp is produced and hosted by Dan Schultz and me, Jennifer Davis.

437
00:32:46,310.62562 --> 00:32:50,900.62462
All media used in this episode falls under the protection of fair use.

438
00:32:51,110.62562 --> 00:32:55,780.62562
And finally, America isn't what it used to be, so be careful out there.

439
00:32:56,310.62562 --> 00:32:57,890.62562
And resist when it matters.